Why are we afraid to tell others that we are struggling financially?
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5 Comments
Stuart Crane
on December 14, 2019 at 12:56 am
Markets are at an all-time high – those who have diligently saved, kept debt to a minimum, and invested in equities should be doing well and not struggling financially.
I don’t disagree with any of those facts but you didn’t answer my question. Assuming you don’t have financial struggles then, why do you think people keep it to themselves when they’re struggling financially?
I think it’s because lots of people were raised to NOT talk about money. I have found it brings about jealousy and gossip if you “are rich”. If you are having a hard time with money, people interject their opinions instead of listening to your concerns.
If one says they are “struggling financially” they fear others will assume — and even articulate — something bad about them. E.g. “You are spending too much.” “You should have invested all along.” “You are in the wrong ‘job.'” — In the case of “business.” — “You picked the wrong ‘business’ and should go get a ‘real job.'” “You must be too lazy.” Or probably a dozen other assumptions that would be taken as a further insult to add to the financial injury.
Round #1: I’m beating myself up.
It’s shameful.
Not reasonable.
How did I do that?
How did I let it happen?
It’s so simple to manage money, budgets, etc.
Meaning: You spend more than you have?
Even ten years old knows better.
And so on.
3 am. Same & Shame story.
Round #2: my monkey mind hits bad and way worse.
It starts jumping all over the place with negative thoughts like “How can you be so stupid, irresponsible?”
“What a dush” (and much worse), etc.
Nothing positive. Ever.
Round #3: give me a reason why I would add anything more to this painful situation?
Adults are fast judges, right?
I already have a terrible image of my self.
Self-esteem is -500.
I have plenty to deal with.
I don’t need another smack on top of my head.
Nor a lecture or an intervention. Please.
So I think, fear of judgment, critics and probably very low/damaged self-esteem are part of the answer.
Worst than anything, self-talk is terrible.
Saying I’m financially struggling scares the sh* out of me.
It makes me look bad.
Like a failure?
Yes.
A total huge one.
Personal judgment is a monster.
There’s one book to help anyone with that – money rapport:
T. Harv Eker’s “Secrets of a millionaire mind.”
A blueprint for revisiting everything one thinks and knows about money and changing wrong beliefs with good common sense ones. Should be taught at school.
Markets are at an all-time high – those who have diligently saved, kept debt to a minimum, and invested in equities should be doing well and not struggling financially.
I don’t disagree with any of those facts but you didn’t answer my question. Assuming you don’t have financial struggles then, why do you think people keep it to themselves when they’re struggling financially?
I think it’s because lots of people were raised to NOT talk about money. I have found it brings about jealousy and gossip if you “are rich”. If you are having a hard time with money, people interject their opinions instead of listening to your concerns.
If one says they are “struggling financially” they fear others will assume — and even articulate — something bad about them. E.g. “You are spending too much.” “You should have invested all along.” “You are in the wrong ‘job.'” — In the case of “business.” — “You picked the wrong ‘business’ and should go get a ‘real job.'” “You must be too lazy.” Or probably a dozen other assumptions that would be taken as a further insult to add to the financial injury.
Round #1: I’m beating myself up.
It’s shameful.
Not reasonable.
How did I do that?
How did I let it happen?
It’s so simple to manage money, budgets, etc.
Meaning: You spend more than you have?
Even ten years old knows better.
And so on.
3 am. Same & Shame story.
Round #2: my monkey mind hits bad and way worse.
It starts jumping all over the place with negative thoughts like “How can you be so stupid, irresponsible?”
“What a dush” (and much worse), etc.
Nothing positive. Ever.
Round #3: give me a reason why I would add anything more to this painful situation?
Adults are fast judges, right?
I already have a terrible image of my self.
Self-esteem is -500.
I have plenty to deal with.
I don’t need another smack on top of my head.
Nor a lecture or an intervention. Please.
So I think, fear of judgment, critics and probably very low/damaged self-esteem are part of the answer.
Worst than anything, self-talk is terrible.
Saying I’m financially struggling scares the sh* out of me.
It makes me look bad.
Like a failure?
Yes.
A total huge one.
Personal judgment is a monster.
There’s one book to help anyone with that – money rapport:
T. Harv Eker’s “Secrets of a millionaire mind.”
A blueprint for revisiting everything one thinks and knows about money and changing wrong beliefs with good common sense ones. Should be taught at school.